No one really likes to talk about it. But wineries are afraid. Lives and reputations are at stake. Am I speaking about Antonio Galloni taking over from Robert Parker? No. No one cares about that. The Pope dies, white smoke comes from the Vatican, and Pope Antonio the First carries the scepter and Holy Tastevin. Nothing changes but the size of the ring you kiss. The ring around your guest house bathroom tub. Am I speaking about the slow pace of the economic recovery? No. Wineries quickly adjust, they are remarkably adept at losing money in every sort of economy--it’s what they do. And superbly. Am I speaking about climate change? No. Wineries welcome climate change. The vast majority of them have the wrong varieties planted in the wrong place anyway. Climate change gives them a shot at a good vintage like they’ve never had before. So what is it that wineries don’t want to talk about, yet fear?
In another incident, which wineries and Homeland Security are reluctant to talk about, the NAS filled a windowless van with explosives made from fertilizer packed into cow horns. Only luck and an anonymous tip foiled the NAS plans. Had the van exploded, it would have been a terrible example of Carbombic Maceration.