Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Wine Trivia For Dummies




When it comes right down to it, wine is trivial. Like just about everything I else I really love, from stained couch covers of the stars to merkins. One of the ways wine geeks demonstrate their superior wine knowledge over the average, everyday dipsomaniac is through trivia. So, as a public service (as opposed to a merkin, which is a pubic service), HoseMaster of Wine is providing these interesting and factual lists of wine trivia that will stump even the most pedantic wine snob.


Winemakers with Hooks

Paul Hobbs
Angelo Gaja
Helen Turley
Maya Angelou


The Appellations of Napa Valley

Cult District
Overpriced Mountain
Cave Envy Hillsides
No One Cares Peak
Vanity Valley
Left Bank Foreclosure


German Wine Designations

Kabinett
Sweetlese
Aspartamelese
Fokkinsyruplese
Fokkinstickyscheisselese


Failed Wine Closures

Portugese Tampons
Homeless People's Earwax
Nipples from Bad Breast Reduction Surgery
Goat Tongue
Barbershop Sweepings
Your Sister
Recycled iPods
McCain/Palin Buttplugs


Unobtainable Cult Wines

Domaine de la Roman Polanski (only underage drinkers)
Kosta Fortune
Screaming Orgasm (call me for info)
Harlequin Estate (only clowns on the mailing list)
Manson Family Reserve (formerly of Polanski)


Sexual Activities Named for Wine

Warre and Cockburn
You Punch Down, I Pump Over
Napa Valley Wine Train
Spelunking Your Jarvis
Lafite Job
Blue Nun and the Negroamaro


Defunct Wine Publications

Bordeaux and Beaver Monthly
M.S. for Dummies
The Wine Proctologist
Wine Ecdysiast
The Wine Catheter
Mutineer Magazine


Other Names for Sangiovese

Brunello
Brangelina
Caruso Juico
Atlas Puke
SangioPod
Lady GaGa


Important Wine Blogs





19 comments:

Puff DAddy said...

Very nice. And almost complete. But, I was surprised that you left out some very important categories--such as my favorite: Parents of Important Wine Persons

I give you the parent. You name the wine person.

--Anne Bancroft
--James Joyce
--Robert Redford
--Charles Atlas

Samantha Dugan said...

Um, about that cult wine dealie...what's your number?

Thomas said...

Aren't there far too many on the Important Wine Blogs list?

Puff Daddy said...

Hey !!

Where's the gumption? Where's the imagination? Where's the brainpower?

How come you all can't get any of the wine offspring of these famous persons?

OK, I will give you a clue by way of identifying another one who could have made my list. It is the thinking that is needed here.

--Who is the famous wine offspring of Conrad Hilton?

Answer: James Lobby

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Puff Daddy,

Gumption? Imagination? Brainpower? You must be on the wrong blog. This isn't Heimoff. Oh, wait, you said imagination. Hey, this isn't Vinography! Oh, wait, you said gumption. Hey, this ain't WineLibraryTV! Oh, wait, you said brainpower.

Anne Bancroft begot Jancis "Mrs." Robinson. Here's to you...

James Joyce begot (begat?) Robert Finigan's Wake.

Charles Atlas begot James "98-Pound" Suckling...

OK, somebody else want to chime in?

Marcia?
My Gorgeous Samantha?
Anonymous 1?

Puff Daddy said...

OK, Ron, you got two. Anne Bancroft and James Joyce.

Not on Chas Atlas.

Two more to go.

But, thank goodness someone around here is still awake.

Samantha Dugan said...

I'll chime in....I don't know what the hell you dudes are talking about! Sounds like some, "California Wine Code" trickery to me....deaf eyeballs I guess. Sorry Charlie

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Hey, come on, James "98 pound" Suckling is pretty good!

I was gonna say Rodney Strongman.

Puff Daddy said...

Rodney Strong is indeed the offspring of Charles Atlas.

That leaves on Robert Redford as the unidentified daddy.

K.Mahoney said...

So happy to see No One Cares Peak made the list! I almost Wine Trained when I read that.

Puff Daddy said...

OK, folks. The bidding on Robert Redford is about to close. Get you guesses in soon.

Who is the wine-famous offspring of Mr. Redford?

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Puff Daddy,

My readers hate quizzes, I guess. And they aren't noted for high IQs or why would they be here?

Let's see, did Robert Redford beget
Phil Woodward and Bernstein?

Puff Daddy said...

Ron--

Nope. But, if you keep working his history, you will come across a familiar name who is actually the father of the wine personality. So, Redford would be his grandfather, so to speak.

El Jefe said...

Brew Baker!

No? Dammit...

Puff Daddy said...

OK, the Hosemaster is now off picking on Alder Yarrow again, and I can't play in that game because I have not yet started my blog and I don't want the King upset with me. It would be like some upstart rock and roller dissing Elvis forty or fifty years ago?

Whose Elvis you ask? How can anybody as old as me start a blog? Well, just you wait and see.

So, back to business.

Robert Redford begat Roy Hobbs who begat Paul Hobbs.

I think I am going to take up a new hobby. This game show business just does not make money.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Puff Daddy,

I knew that Paul Hobbs thing but I didn't want to hog all the answers like some know-it-all, which I am.

OK, so Alder goes to ZAP, rates 220 Zins in six hours, and I'm picking on him? Sure, I go after Huckleberry Jackson and you're on my side. I go after a transparently dunderheaded blogger and you don't want him to be upset?

I'm just having fun. Yeah, and he's Elvis like I'm Mark Twain.

D J R-S said...

Boy, am I behind in my reading! Wasn't the 'Ecdysiast' dumbed down to 'Paint-Stripper Wines'?

Alan Kropf said...

Um, not sure what the punch line is here? Mutineer is alive and well, doing better than ever.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Alan,

But I'll bet you laughed at the Alder parody.

Lighten up, it doesn't matter what they say about you as long as they spell your name right.